Brother gets kicked out of family trip to Hawaii after failing to agree on accommodation, parents still expect him to pay his portion: ‘I’m no longer going’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Aug 10, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

Why would someone pay for a vacation they are no longer invited to?

It has been years since my husband and I went on a family vacation with his siblings and parents. The reason we stopped is because every time we did go on vacation together, it turned out to be a disaster. People kept fighting with each other, we couldn't agree on a single activity to do together, and by the time we came back home, none of us were speaking to each other.

So, my husband and I made the executive decision to say 'no' the next time his parents offered a family vacation; we preferred to stay out of the drama. Now, the rest of the family goes on without us and comes back furious at each other, but at least we are not part of it.

Some families are not built for joint vacations; that's what I keep telling them every time they return from a failed trip. It's okay to acknowledge that a family is built for a Friday night dinner every few months, and no more. If not going on vacations together means the family gets to keep the peace, I definitely think it's worth it.

Unfortunately, the family below does not agree. They haven't even gone on vacation yet, and they are already fighting. It all started when two brothers decided to buy their parents and sister tickets to Hawaii, then decided to make it into a family vacation. It was supposed to be a fun time for everyone. However, the two siblings could not agree on accommodation: one wanted a resort, while the other insisted on an Airbnb. This led to many arguments that resulted in one brother getting kicked out of the vacation altogether. The family decided to go to Hawaii, but without him. 

When the brother discovered that everyone still expected him to pay for the tickets, he firmly refused. Why should he pay for a vacation he is no longer invited to?

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  • Family packing car to go on vacation.
    via Curated Lifestyle

    Family packing car to go on vacation.

    Subjects are models.

  • AITA for refusing to pay for my parents and sister’s Hawaii trip ?

    Backstory: my brother approached me about surprising my mom for Christmas 2025 with a trip to Hawaii since she's always wanted to go. I agreed to
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • pay for half her ticket and my stepdad and sister. However during the planning of the trip we got into an altercation about the sleeping arrangements and
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • my brother (we will call him Bryan) became stressed out about accommodations. He wanted to stay in an Airbnb together. But since it wasn't working, my wife
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • and I suggested staying at a resort so we could accommodate everyone. Bryan didn't like that. It turned into and argument and he insisted we stay together so
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • instead we suggested he and my parents stay in a house (since that's what he wanted) and we ( my family and I) and my sister wanted to stay at a resort. He
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • refused and insisted we all stay together at a house. He whole thing blew up and my family and I basically decided we weren't. going. During the this time that
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • we were not speaking they all decided to go anyways and make plans without us. We have made up since then and now they are requesting I stick to paying my half for my parents and sister
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • that I had offered. Since I'm no longer going I feel that it's not fair for them to ask this of me. Am I the a le?
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • People walking down the beach.
    via Nilton Castro

    People walking down the beach.

    Model portrayal

  • Update: since people keep asking no this was not the only Christmas's gift she received. I had already purchased multiple gifts for her. My brother
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • approached me on Christmas Day asking if I would help out. and I told him yes. He already had Leigh's and the whole thing planned. Things only changes
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • when we stopped talking. I love my mom and would have wanted to pay for her trip anyway but since then she has been so petty with me also and has reduced communication and seemingly
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • acts as if it's my fault as well. My stepdad however agrees with me and says a resort would have solved all our issue. My brother however keeps asking me to pay
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • my half as well as my mom. I cannot bring myself To do it without resentment. I also want to add that my wife and I had a 10 yr anniversary trip Planned in July of 2026 that everyone knew about since 2025.
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • The Hawaii trip was planned for September of 2026 which I expressed would be cutting it close. No one cared. I was still going to make it work. But ultimately everything happens for A reason.
    via CowRevolutionary734
  • Lately_early NTA - if you aren't going, why should you pay?
    via Lately_early
  • Ordinary-Chipmunk366 Wasn't this trip about your mom?
    via Ordinary-Chipmunk366
  • Dittoheadforever You're NTA Bryan's my way or the highway attitude broke up the deal.
    via Dittoheadforever

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brother summer siblings parenting Hawaii family sister trip tickets family vacation vacation
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